• Newly divorced woman explaining reason for splitting: We had religious differences - he thought he was God, I didn't.



• Expensive fertilizers that do nothing for your grass will give you the most gorgeous weeds you ever saw.



• People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.



• A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.



• The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"



• A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it’s 25,000



• Easiest way to die:
1. Have a cigar daily - you will die10 years early.
2. Have drinks daily - you will die 30 years early.
3. But love someone truly - you will die daily!



• What would confuse a mentally challenged person?
Answer: A pineapple.
Confused...? I knew you would be!



• How to catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own. Because they just love NUTS !



• If you never want to see a man again, say: I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children - they leave skid marks.